


Silence Speaks Volumes

by NanoCorn



Category: THE iDOLM@STER, THE iDOLM@STER: Million Live!
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Maybe ooc? i dont know i dont care, Shiho is kinda nasty but she gets better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:47:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26399674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanoCorn/pseuds/NanoCorn
Summary: Shiho Kitazawa was not someone who liked to be bothered. Ideally, someone would get that through the head of a certain chatty vocalist.
Relationships: Kitazawa Shiho/Yabuki Kana
Kudos: 7





	Silence Speaks Volumes

The changing room was one of the few sources of quiet in the 765pro theater, and Shiho Kitazawa had come to think of the room as a haven of sorts, somewhere she could escape the noise and bustle of her fellow idols, at least for a little while. After everyone had gone home for the day after practice, she would find herself lazing in the changing room for extended periods of time, often catching up on text messages and other such things she didn’t have the chance to during the day. It was a very welcome reprieve, sandwiched between her responsibilities at school and at home, and she wasn’t particularly keen on letting anyone intrude upon this time.

Unfortunately, she didn’t have a choice in the matter.

“Shiho! Shiho!” Called the intruder loudly as she almost ran into the changing room. “Good work today!”

Shiho sighed. Of all the people who could have discovered where she spent her quiet time, it had to be the girl who gave her the biggest headaches during the day. She hadn’t expected to keep her time in here a secret for that long, but having Kana Yabuki of all people find out? It felt like a cruel joke. 

“Kana.” The coldness of the greeting like that would typically never be lost on anyone, but for some reason Kana never seemed to notice. Or perhaps she simply didn’t care. She hadn’t cared since a week ago, when she had stayed late for practice one day, and had discovered Shiho hiding away in the locker room instead of chatting with everyone else in the lobby before leaving for the day. And ever since then, Kana had decided to drop by to talk with Shiho before going home for the day. Shiho didn’t particularly get it. Someone bubbly like Kana would be better suited to hanging out with everyone else. So why was she so intent on annoying her like this?

“Man! The vocal instructor was real nasty today!” Kana laughed, not seeming to notice Shiho trying to tune her out. “She keeps saying stuff like ‘are you really practicing at home?’ And she never believes me when I say I do! It’s practically all I do!” 

Shiho was fully aware of Kana’s subpar singing abilities. It was difficult not to be. She wondered if the girl was tone deaf for a while, but apparently she’s some sort of genius when it comes to instruments so that didn’t seem to be quite it. Not that it was Shiho’s business. As long as Kana wasn’t on stage with her, Kana could do whatever she wanted. Well, if that didn't entail her bothering Shiho at every opportunity.

Why did she bother her, anyways? They were complete opposites in almost every way. Shiho was stern and cold, plain looking, and most of her peers were completely fine with not interacting with her. Kana, on the other hand, was so full of energy and was incredibly friendly, with her bright orange hair and her young appearance it wasn’t uncommon to hear her described as adorable. Shiho had once overheard some of Kana’s unit comparing the small girl to an energetic puppy, a description Shiho felt was apt. Why did this puppy-like girl insist on associating with someone catty like Shiho?

Shiho tended to take a “it’s not my business” approach when it came to the other idols, but the more Kana talked her ear off the more she couldn’t help but wonder what she had done to deserve this. Shiho had asked Julia, a friend of Kana’s, a couple of days after she started coming to the lockers after practice and all she got was a shrug for her troubles. “Kana does what she wants,” Julia had said, an apologetic look plastered on her face. “The only person knowing what goes on up there would be Kana herself.”

What a pain.

“Kana.” Shiho suddenly interjected, interrupting Kana’s tirade about some ramen shop she went to. Kana looked at her blankly, her bright yellow eyes wide and curious wondering why Shiho had suddenly spoken to her for the first time. “Why do you keep coming back here?”

“Hmmm… because I want to?” Kana tapped her chin thoughtfully. “You never really talk to anyone other than when you fight with Shizuka, so I thought I could keep you company.” Kana ended that thought with a little grin. It really irritated Shiho in a way she couldn’t properly describe.

“Have you considered that perhaps I wish to be left alone, Kana?” Shiho had difficulty hiding her annoyance, not that Kana would notice anyways. “I value my quiet time.”

“Oh really?” Kana looked surprised, for some reason. Was she really that dumb that she had never noticed what kind of person Shiho was? “Do… do you want me to leave?”

“Yes.”

Kana laughed awkwardly as she stood. “Sorry Shiho! I didn’t mean to impose.” Kana gave Shiho one last smile before stepping out. Shiho could barely make out a “Talk to you later!” as the door shut and Kana ran off, likely to join her friends in walking home. Shiho sighed. At least she had her quiet haven back. Hopefully. 

Shiho had been an idol for half a year now, and she was used to some of her peers attempting to befriend her from time to time. Of course, as time went on people tried less and less. There’s only so many cold remarks you can make before word spreads amongst your peers, and she has gained a reputation amongst the production for being notoriously hard to talk to. At this point she practically didn’t speak to anyone except her unit members, and even then it was kept to a bare minimum. She wasn’t here to make friends, after all. Why did she have to get close to people that ultimately were competing for the same goal? It was pointless.

She wasn’t lonely. If she believed that enough, eventually it would become the truth.

Shiho checked the time on her smartphone and found that 10 minutes had passed. She had to be home soon, and she felt as though she barely had spent any time in the changing room today whatsoever. If anything, Kana was good at wasting time.

Her home wasn’t too far from the theater, so she wasn’t particularly pressed for time, but normally she’d like to start dinner early so everything’s ready when her mother got home. Though, today, she didn’t particularly know what she was going to make. Typically Rikkun would tell her what he wanted, but today her younger brother had given her the dreaded “anythings fine!” so she had to really think about it on the way home. 

Shiho was deep in thought about it when she left the theater’s doors, well after everyone else had gone. Did she really want to cook tonight? In all honesty, the past week of practice had been grueling, in addition to Kana’s intrusion, so she was just feeling completely drained. Perhaps she could pick up something on the way home? She’s never actually stopped by a restaurant herself though… her mother had always accompanied her in the past. 

Wracking her brain, Shiho could find nothing. She was completely stumped. Had she really never been to all these restaurants nearby? Impatiently scrolling on her phone, she couldn’t find anything nearby that sounded good, when she suddenly came to a stop on one particular ramen restaurant. 

It wasn’t clear initially why her eye was drawn to it, but then it clicked. It was that ramen shop Kana had been rambling about earlier today, wasn’t it? Kana, from what she gathered, was a bit of a foodie, so perhaps this could be an opinion that could be trusted? She wasn’t particularly fond of trusting opinions that weren’t her own, but she really didn’t have anything better to work off of.

Plus, it wasn’t far from the theater. It was a 5 minute walk from the theater, and from the intersection she was currently waiting on she could actually see it. So, Shiho thought “why not.”

She almost immediately regretted that decision when she stepped foot into the restaurant and found her orange haired tormentor at the counter already greedily devouring a bowl of ramen at the counter. She hadn’t noticed Shiho, but Shiho had half a mind to just walk out and head straight home before she could. But she had already texted Rikkun telling him she would be getting ramen and where to join her… damn it. She just had to be quick, then. 

She quickly punched in both her and Rikkun’s order and took a seat, impatiently drumming her fingers against the counter. Ideally Kana would leave before she and Rikkun ate, but as Shiho watched the girl order a second bowl she realized that wasn’t going to happen. What an irritating situation. She was hopeful, but mentally she resigned herself to the fact Kana would eventually notice her and talk her ear off. 

Which, unfortunately, happened sooner than expected.

Shiho was slightly startled when Rikkun suddenly sat in the stool next to her. She was so lost in thought she had missed him entering. “Hey! Sis!” Riku waved his hand in front of her face to grab her attention, and Shiho sat up.

“I already ordered for you. Should be out soon.” Shiho said tersely, trying not to catch the attention of the orange haired idol nearby. Hopefully Riku wouldn’t question it. Her hopes weren’t high, though, elementary students aren’t known for being subtle.

“Oh! Okay.” Riku smiled, “Oh, by the way, what’s up? I thought you didn’t like restaurants. You always say ‘Shiho’s cooking is way better, you don’t need to go out!’ or something silly like that.”

Internally she groaned. “I changed my mind.” Shiho’s fears were realized when she looked past Riku and made eye contact with Kana. Kana’s eyes seemed to brighten suddenly, and she gave Shiho a huge grin, excited to see her. Man, she really was like a puppy, wasn’t she? An annoying, orange puppy.

“Hey! I didn’t expect to see you here!” Kana cheered as she scooted down to be next to Riku. “I’m so happy you took my recommendation and checked this place out!”

“Ah. Yeah.”

“Sis, who is this?” Riku looked at Shiho curiously. She had spent so long constantly telling Riku she hadn’t made any friends at the office, so he probably has some dumb misconception. 

“I’m Kana! I work at 765pro!” Kana beamed as she looked down at Riku. “Are you Shiho’s brother?”

“Yep!” Riku reciprocated the smile. Shiho had always thought in the back of her head that seemed like Riku and Kana would get along, which slightly irritated Shiho. Shiho allowed herself to smile and act like herself at home, but Kana was a million times brighter than that. Kana could match Riku’s energy, which was something Shiho couldn’t. 

Shiho decided to do what she did best, and tune the two out. She couldn’t let herself become jealous over some girl who barely qualified to be an idol. Her ramen had arrived, after all, and it's only polite to actually eat the food she had ordered, something that hadn’t occurred to the two chatterboxes to her right.

The ramen was fine. It was difficult to focus when her brother was chatting with someone equally as chatty, but she had finished her bowl, and while she hadn’t considered it before, she kind of wanted a second bowl, if only for the distraction the food granted. But money was tight, so she restrained herself. Once Riku was done, she was leaving this place in the dust. 

“Still though! Sis is so stubborn telling us she never made friends! So I’m glad someone like you is there for her!” Shiho couldn’t help but pick up on what Riku was saying. Something indescribable began welling up in her chest, and it wasn’t good. Was Kana trying to insist to Riku that the two were friends? Someone like her, who had done nothing but bother her for a week? Without a single thought to what she wanted? She was fuming, and Kana’s insistence that they were only acquaintances no longer registered to her.

She tried to hold her tongue. She really did. Shiho didn’t want Riku to see this side of her. 

“We’re NOT friends.” Shiho bitterly exclaimed, louder than she had meant. But it didn’t matter. It shocked the other two into silence, Riku left in confusion and Kana blankly staring at her like she had when Shiho had interrupted her earlier that day. “We’ve never been friends. I really, really, don’t appreciate you imposing on me for a week and then having the gall to call yourself my friend.”

Kana opened her mouth to say something, but Shiho continued. “All you do is thoughtlessly act on what you want. Always saying stuff like ‘I thought you might be lonely’ as an excuse to do what you please. It’s so tiring. Trying to buddy up with everyone in the production to hide the fact you’re the weakest link.” Shiho knew what she was saying was false. But she was so caught up in her emotions she couldn’t stop herself. “It’s all you people ever do! I just want to be left alone but everyone just sees it as some sort of challenge to befriend me. That’s probably everyone sees me as, some curiosity no one can get close to. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of the false platitudes from people pretending to like me.”

“Just leave me alone. Don’t bring me down with you.” Shiho finished. She was so upset with Kana. She was everything Shiho wasn’t. So bright and cheerful, the picture of an idol. And it hurt to realize that she was better at hiding her inadequacy than Shiho was. They were both dragging everyone down, but people still wanted Kana around. It never made any sense to her. She didn’t understand how she could handle it all grinning and laughing.

Yet, she didn’t feel better about letting that off her chest at all. Especially not when she noticed how hurt Kana looked, how she was trembling. How the normally cheerful girl was on the verge of tears. How Riku stared at her, horrified at what she had just done. It clicked in that moment. She had messed up.

“Kana-”

“I’m sorry.” Kana stood suddenly, looking away. “I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone.” Shiho watched, stunned as Kana stumbled out of the restaurant. 

After a stunned minute, Shiho silently rose from her stool and left. Her thoughts were those of regret for the first time in so long, and she hated it. She didn’t hate Kana. She hated herself. She hated what she allowed herself to become.

\---

Practice the next few days was miserable. At first, people had assumed Kana was running late, that she’d come rushing in and start chattering about what she had eaten for breakfast and how she practiced singing all day long. But she never showed up. She wasn’t answering calls or texts, either. It was difficult to pay attention to practice when the ever increasing worry took root in just about everyone close to the absent vocalist.

Shiho thought she could put it out of her head and just focus on work. She could focus on her regrets all she wanted when she got home. But three days after Kana stopped showing up to lessons, it seemed the fire had left nearly half the theater as most of their efforts were attempting to get Kana back. And Shiho’s guilt wouldn’t let her get off easy, either. She didn’t know how to explain to her dance tutor that the reason she stumbled so much more than normal was that the sight of Kana’s empty spot made her feel as though she were falling.

The promise of solace in the changing room didn’t help either. All she could think of in the past 3 days was Kana’s smiling face as she chatted with Shiho in here. How empty it felt without her here. How empty the entire theater felt without her there. How empty it felt at home, now that Rikkun seemed to avoid her.

Funny, how often she wanted to be alone really just served to make her feel worse now. There weren’t any distractions to prevent her from thinking about everything that had happened, and it was really wearing her down. She hardly had the energy to be her usual critical self, earning herself some concerned glances when she had made it through unit practice without scolding someone about some annoying flaw with their practices like she usually did.

Why did it have to be Kana? If it had been anyone else, they’d probably laugh it off or sternly tell Shiho she had stepped out of line. Shiho could pretend her words didn’t hurt others as much as they truly did. But as she watched the middle schooler run home, desperately trying to hide the fact she was in tears… Shiho learned a lot about herself and Kana that she never wanted to know that evening.

She had never cared for her in the past, but as she came to the realization of what horrible thing she did to someone like Kana, her chest felt horribly tight. Shiho never wanted to hurt her. She wanted to push people away, sure, but realizing how awful she had been only served to make her feel worse. 

Someone had to know. She was going to confess what she had done, and she was going to fix this. Even if she had to leave the theater, if that’s what it took. Whatever it took to resolve the guilt constantly eating at her.

“Julia.”

The redhead turned, seemingly in a poor mood. “Huh? What do you want?” 

Shiho ignored the very clear indicators that Julia didn’t want to be bothered and continued. “Can you come with me for a moment?” Shiho stated, more of a statement than a question. She grabbed Julia by the wrist and led her into the changing room, ignoring Julia’s confused exclamations. 

“Ow, what the hell is up with you?” Julia released herself from Shiho’s grip, rubbing her wrist. 

“Can you listen to me? I’ve got some stuff I want to get off my chest.” Shiho emotionally prepared herself for the verbal lashing she was likely going to receive for what she was about to say to Julia. Perhaps a bit too early, but it would certainly be deserved.

“...Okay?” Julia seemed more confused than anything, but sat next to Shiho with a huff regardless. “What’s on your mind?”

“I’m the reason Kana hasn’t been coming to lessons.” Shiho began cautiously. Julia clearly looked surprised, but nodded, urging Shiho to continue. “I… yelled at her. I accused her of a lot of things that weren’t true, and I hurt her. Over something as stupid as trying to talk to me and become my friend. I wanted to apologize so bad but I never got the opportunity and it upsets me so much. I want to explain to her I didn’t mean it but I messed up and now she’s gone. And it’s my fault. I don’t know what to do and it feels like I’m going to explode.”

Shiho impatiently waited for the verbal condemnation that never came. Instead, a silence fell between the two, and she didn’t feel comfortable breaking it. She was afraid to see Julia’s face.

“...Shiho.” Julia placed her hand on Shiho’s shoulder. “Shiho… please calm down. You’re shaking like a tree in a typhoon.”

Shiho looked up at Julia and was surprised. Julia’s typically scary expression had given way to one of deep concern. She had effectively confessed to scaring off one of her friends, possibly for good, and Julia was trying to comfort her. The guilty party. Shiho tried to blink and found her eyes hot and wet. Had she started crying? No, no no no. She couldn’t be. She had to be stronger than this. Not in front of Julia.

She wasn’t sure if it was her own realization that she was crying, or Julia’s genuine concern towards her, but something in her mind finally gave way. Before she could stop herself she found herself shuddering as she sobbed into her hands. It all seemed to come crashing down on her. The fact that people genuinely cared for her, wanted to be her friend, and every time she had hurt them for daring to do so. The fact she had been so lonely for so long, and it was all her fault. The fact that even though she thought all she wanted was to make her family happy, she still felt so empty inside. The fact she was no longer herself. It hurt. It really hurt.

She had spent so long carefully crafting her stoic, standoffish personality, and for what reason? It wasn’t her, it never had been, but she had spent so long convincing herself that it was, and eventually she convinced everyone else too. And it all just came crumbling down around her, and worst of all, it was in front of someone.

And yet, despite the shameful position Shiho was in, Julia stayed with her. There wasn’t any contempt or hidden intentions in her eyes. There weren’t any in Kana’s. She had convinced herself she needed to be alone for so long she forgot what receiving kindness was even like. 

“...Sorry.” Shiho wasn’t sure what she was apologizing for, but she felt she had to. She was probably a pretty pathetic sight, something she would hate anyone seeing, much less someone she was barely acquainted with like Julia. 

“It’s fine. Just get it all out for now.” Julia sighed. “But don’t apologize to me. Save that for Kana.”

“Aren’t you…?”

“Angry with you? Not really. Kinda hard when you’re blubberin’ in front of me like this.” Julia smiled thinly. “Besides, I couldn’t possibly say anything worse than whatever’s goin’ on that head of yours.”

Shiho just grimaced. “Yeah.” Crying like this made her feel a little better, strangely enough, but...

There was one thought that really ate at Shiho, though. When she had yelled at Kana, she had clearly hurt the girl in the way Shiho herself was so afraid of being wounded. And now, Kana was trying to hide herself away in the same way as she had, trying to close herself off. Shiho couldn’t stand that. She wasn’t going to let that happen.

“Julia,” Shiho sniffled, her tears finally running dry. “Do you know Kana’s address?”

\---

As it turned out, she didn’t. Apparently, the producer wasn’t allowed to tell her either. Not that it mattered too much. She found the address in Kana’s registration form that she had snagged when the producer wasn’t looking. Hopefully they could forgive a minor breach of privacy like that.

Shiho, unsurprisingly, found that Kana was not home. She had knocked several times, and after 10 minutes, not a single sign of either Kana or her parents made themselves apparent. Shiho ran through the possibilities of where the orange haired girl could possibly be. If she was still home and refusing to see anyone, she just needed to make it clear she wasn’t moving until she saw her. But if she had done something irresponsible like running away… Shiho didn’t know what she could do in a situation like that. 

Julia had explained the situation on the way there. Despite not being able to join her (or rather, didn’t want to. “It’s between you two.” Julia had reassured her with a smile. “Bring that dumbass home."), she had told Shiho that none of Kana’s close friends seemed to be able to find her at her home, nor could they find her at any of her favorite places. Shiho sighed. This was really becoming a pain.

Slumping against the door, Shiho resolved to wait. It’s been a few days, and there’s no way Kana would survive without leaving to get food. Another fact she had gleaned from Julia, the girl couldn’t cook at all. Kana wasn’t someone who was just going to sit around and starve. Shiho just had to catch her when she eventually needed to get food.

This was a pretty creepy thing to do, now that Shiho thought about it. She had already got a few strange looks from passing pedestrians, and she wasn’t particularly fond of the idea of having the police called on her. As the sun set, though, the possibility of something like that grew. 

Lost in thought, she almost missed the sound of someone dropping something to the ground and a faint gasp. Shiho jolted up to find Kana, clearly startled by her guest enough to drop the plastic bag full of snacks she seemed to have been carrying. Shiho stumbled to her feet as Kana bolted off, leaving her groceries behind. 

“Kana! Wait!” Shiho desperately shouted as she ran after her. The chase was short lived, thankfully, but not in the way Shiho would have liked. Shiho watched helplessly as Kana stumbled and lost her balance, falling over onto the sidewalk. No time was wasted in reaching Kana’s side to see if she was okay.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Kana cried, burying her face into her hands. She appeared to be fine, minus a few scrapes on her forearms. Shiho breathed a sigh of relief. Thankfully she was fine, or as far as she knew. 

“Kana, are you okay?”

Kana sniffled. “I’m fine.” She didn’t show any intention of getting up, clearly ashamed of what just happened. What an annoying girl.

“Come on, I’ll help you up.” Shiho grabbed her arm, despite Kana’s protests, and brought her to her feet. The two locked eyes briefly, before breaking eye contact. It hurt a little, but clearly she was scared of Shiho. Shiho sighed, and let go of Kana. “Can we talk? I really wanted to apologize.”

Kana slowly nodded. “S… sure.” The two stood awkwardly for a brief moment. “Um, let’s go inside.” Kana started towards her house with Shiho in tow.

It was bizarre how empty Kana’s home was. Nearly no furniture nor decorations were to be found, and Shiho couldn’t help but take it all in as Kana poured a glass of water for the two of them. It was all so drastically different from what Shiho had pictured. She expected a home full of warmth and loving family, something someone like Kana deserved. Nothing of the sort was to be found here.

It almost reminded Shiho of how her home felt when her father had left. 

The two sat in silence for a while. Obviously Shiho was going to have to take initiative here.

“Kana, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was for my behavior the other day.” Shiho deeply bowed, hoping to get her sincerity across. “Nothing I said was what I truly thought of you. Everyone at the theater really misses you. The theater is a much darker place without you around.”

“And Kana…” Shiho couldn’t find the words to continue. The apologies she had practiced in her head all afternoon seemed so far away now. “I’m so sorry.” Another awkward silence fell upon the two. 

“Shiho…” Kana muttered quietly. Shiho looked up, seeing Kana on the verge of tears again. “I…”

Kana shuddered and looked away. “I can’t go back. Even if you didn’t mean it, what you said was still true.” Kana was tearing up now, despite her clear efforts not to. “I caused so much trouble in practice and I’ve caused so much trouble by running away. I can’t go back. They’d all be so ashamed of me!”

“Don’t say that!” Shiho half shouted. “The past 3 days have been practically nothing but worrying about you and trying to get you back. They all want you back! I want you back!” 

“But… I...”

“Please.” Shiho pleaded. “You’re an incredible idol. To walk away from all this is… is that what you really want? The Kana who had stars in her eyes as she spoke to her senior idols, the same Kana that put everything into lessons no matter what anyone said, would that Kana be happy with your choice? Would the Kana who performed her first live, looking absolutely ecstatic despite her numerous mistakes be happy with that decision?

“I spent so long trying to put walls up so that no one could hurt me. I cut off any passion I had just to keep myself from getting hurt, convincing myself my dream wasn’t important compared to the people I wanted to help. I tried to keep everyone away from me, to convince myself I was simply an idol as a job, and not the fulfillment of a dream long since dead.” Shiho’s voice trembled. She hated how far she had fallen from her stoic facade, from her veneer of apathy but at this point she didn’t care. “Please Kana. Don’t hurt yourself like this. Don’t hurt yourself like I did.”

At this point, Kana was fully in tears. “I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry” Kana choked up. It seemed as though Shiho’s words had reached her. She was so glad, but… she hated seeing Kana like this. She wasn’t like Julia, able to comfort others easily. She was lost as to what to do.

So she embraced her. Shiho pulled Kana into a tight hug, the same way she did when Riku got yelled at by their mother. No words were exchanged between the two as Kana silently sobbed into Shiho’s shoulders, holding Shiho like her life depended on it. And the two stayed that way for several minutes, neither wanting to let the embrace end.

Though, eventually, Kana gently pulled away, and sniffled as she met Shiho’s eyes. “Shiho… thank you.” Kana gave her a weak smile. “It’s really late, I’m sorry to have kept you.” Shiho glanced at her phone, surprised to see it was already 10 in the evening.

“It’s fine. I told my mother I was staying at a friend’s, so I’ll just sneak back in later tonight.”

“No you aren’t! It’s dangerous for a girl to walk around this late!” Kana scolded her, trying to act as though she had regained her composure, though Shiho noticed some hesitation in her words. Shiho was glad to see she was feeling even just a bit better, but she really did need to get back home. 

“I’d hate to impose. Besides, your parents…” Shiho stopped in her tracks as she realized something. “Kana… where are your parents anyways?”

“Oh, ...aha.” Kana looked a bit sheepish, “They’re… not home. Haven’t been home in a while.”

Before Shiho could ask, she continued. “They’re, um. Kinda famous opera singers. They’re abroad on tour. I video call them a lot! We’re close! But… they’re not home… very often.” Shiho recognized the loneliness that she now saw in Kana’s expression, despite her smile. She thought better of commenting on it. 

“I see.” Shiho didn’t know exactly how to react, and it seemed Kana quickly realized that. 

“Um! I’ll go fetch the guest futon.” She started walking up the stairs, “Come on up, my room is the nicest in this place!”

Shiho didn’t know what to expect from Kana’s room, but it was certainly very Kana. Not an inch of her walls wasn’t covered with posters of idols she knew very well. It explained why Kana seemed to become so flustered around her senior idols, seeing so much merchandise of them littering her room. Figures, CDs, promotional photos… She had it all. And her bed, covered in so many stuffed animals, it looked like a zoo. 

And it felt very comfortable, smelling faintly of vanilla. Shiho really respected how lived in it felt compared to the rest of the house. 

Kana wouldn’t mind if she looked around, right? She was amused, but not surprised when she found a stack of unstarted summer homework prominent on her desk. But more interesting was the contents of a shelf adjacent to the desk. 

Merchandise unlike those for the original 13 765 idols. These were for… the Million Star idols? An autographed album from Julia, a towel in Nao’s image color… she had merchandise from all her friends! She was so engrossed in going through the collection, seeing how many of her peers she could recognize she hardly noticed when Kana walked in with the spare futon.

“Oh you found my merch collection!” Kana giggled lightly. “We’re not all that popular yet so there’s not a whole lot yet. There’s no merch of me, actually! It’s pretty lame! But...” Shiho watched Kana look off somewhere nondescript, seeming far away. “One day, I’d love to be popular enough to get merch. I wanna be the main act, the star of the show! And I can’t wait to reach those plateaus with my friends. With everyone.” Kana smiled fondly, before turning back to Shiho. “Let’s keep working hard, okay?”

As recently as a few days ago, Shiho would have thought the idea as ridiculous. But after everything, after realizing how lonely it was when even one of the many stars wasn’t there… “Yeah. Let’s.”

\---

Shiho had hardly had the opportunity to sleep. Kana had lost any sign of her previous emotional turmoil within an hour of Shiho’s arrival, and had insisted they partake in all sorts of sleepover games and activities (“I haven’t had anyone over like this since I was real small!” Kana had beamed at her. “So lets have lots of fun! Please!”). Shiho was exhausted, and really didn’t have it in her to refuse. She just kind of listlessly was dragged along until she passed out immediately after she had tucked herself into the guest futon haphazardly placed on Kana’s floor.

She woke up early, to the sound of her morning alarm on her phone, and after struggling to get Kana out of bed the two rushed down to the theater for morning lessons that weekend. It was clear the two were the earliest ones there (something Shiho was used to, but someone like Kana was startled by how empty it was.), and Shiho dragged Kana to the company’s producer to apologize for her behavior.

Neither were surprised when the producer had just welcomed Kana back as though she hadn’t caused a huge inconvenience. That was just the type of person they were, Shiho supposed. But it really wasn’t the producer she was worried about. It was the 50 or so fellow idols who would be all over Kana the moment they saw her.

The two stepped out of the office to see the lobby was now sparsely populated with people. Not many yet, but sure to cause a ruckus Shiho didn’t want to be a part of when they noticed Kana. “I’m going to go take care of a few things. Go say hi to your friends.” Shiho began walking off before Kana could even get in a word, and before she could give chase she was tackled into a hug by a concerned friend that Shiho recognized as Minako. Kana had a lot of catching up to do, and Shiho really didn’t want to spoil that time for her.

Shiho wasn’t surprised by the huge crowd that had gathered when she returned, but she still wasn’t prepared for how loud they were. She sighed. They were all good people, but crowding Kana like this… The poor girl, from what she could see from the tangle of people, seemed clearly overwhelmed. 

Well, Shiho was good for something at least. “Hey,” She stated in a low, but firm voice. “Yabuki. The producer needs to see you. Now.” As expected, her words had cut through the noise like a knife through butter, and she had several dozen bewildered eyes upon her. Shiho took advantage of the confusion to grab Kana by the arm and dragged her from the mass of people and led her off into a separate hallway.

The two didn’t speak until the door of the changing room closed behind them. “Sorry. You looked like you were having trouble there.” Shiho spoke as she sat down against the wall. Kana just laughed.

“Thank you. Really. Not just for that, but for everything.”

Shiho just nodded. She may have not been good with crowds, or with all her fellow idols, but now she felt that maybe she had room for one more in her quiet haven.

**Author's Note:**

> Made this in an afternoon for? Some reason? Lord knows why I was given inspiration and when it will happen again but I'll gladly take it. Sometimes you just gotta make content that no one but yourself would enjoy and publish it! One of the few joys of life.


End file.
